Monday, September 15, 2014

Ten Months Later

Ten months ago I wrote my first and last post on here regarding my Lily being diagnosed as being on the spectrum.  I was confident that I was going to kick some autism ass.  We were going to find amazing therapists, have an outstanding IEP, and a year later we would have this shit locked down.

Are you done laughing at me yet?  Probably not, right?  It's ok... I'll wait.  Take your time.

It's been 10 months and we've certainly had plenty of changes.  Here's the short list:
  • Lily has changed doctors twice and medicine more times than I can count
  • My poor sweet daughter spent four days in a psychiatric facility because her behavior was so erratic that I was afraid she would end up hurting herself or someone else.
  • My 3 year old, Micah, has also been tested and is nicely on the autism spectrum as well.
  • I sat through an excruciatingly long IEP meeting where I had to fight tooth and nail for ANY services for my kid.
  • I've scrubbed shit off the walls, carpet, furniture, and kid more times than I can count because of Micah's fascination with fecal smearing.
  • I've been repeatedly bitten, hit, kicked, pinched, scratched, and even given a black eye from having a book thrown at me by each of them melting down at different points.
  • Copious amounts of "autism cures" have been given to me and yet somehow gluten free just didn't knock the autism out of the kids.  Whoda thunk it?
  • I've run through the grocery store at breakneck speeds with Micah screaming because it's too much sensory stimulation there but we desperately need milk and toilet paper sometimes.
  • I've cried my way through countless doctors appointments for each of my kids.
  • I've watched my daughter cry all evening because no one wants to play with her at school.
  • I've never doubted myself more or felt so completely alone in my entire life.  
Needless to say, this has officially been the hardest year of my family's lives.  Not the year my mom passed away, or the year I got divorced.  No.... nothing can top the year that I've realized that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and spend almost every day making giant mistakes.  Should Micah be in a class for autistic kids or should he be mainstreamed into regular ed so he's challenged?  Was sending Lily to the hospital a horrible mistake because we were both left a little traumatized, or was it a turning point for her?  Do we finally have a good doctor, or are am I just kidding myself?  And seriously, WHY are there no drive through liquor stores around here!  This is nuts, I can't take my kids into a store with glass bottles everywhere! 

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